I had a discussion with my roommate about relationships and jealousy last night.
I wish I could open up to people more. I tell Jeremy pretty much every thought I have, which means he’s the unlucky one that gets to hear for the millionth time about how much I hate Samy. and since there haven’t been any new developments on that front for a few months, I end up repeating myself over and over again
and while I love talking to him and sharing everything with him, I know that it’d also be good to have an outside opinion. last night’s conversation was actually a year overdue. I felt especially upset one night last November, and I came so close to spilling my thoughts out to this roommate. we were the only ones home. my boyfriend was either eating dinner or watching a movie with his ex-girlfriend that night, which was causing me to freak out majorly. my other roommates were out. and then before I could gather the nerve to ask this one roommate about her experiences with jealousy, she left for the night
she didn’t know I was upset, or she wouldn’t have left. I burst into tears almost immediately after the door closed. I remember pacing back and forth in the kitchen, trying to get my breathing under control. that day was the last time I cut myself, which is pretty good — it’s been almost a year now, which is the longest streak I’ve had since I started in 2010 (?)
my roommate could’ve helped me out so much had I simply spoken up. she could totally relate, and she would’ve listened to me. last night felt therapeutic in a way, but it also made me realize how stupid I was last year
with regards to samy, I don’t know why I still care about this. I feel so much resentment and anger and jealousy and I don’t know why these emotions are so strong. I literally haven’t seen the girl since June
I am so fucking exhausted